Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
