He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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