i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize