I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
