and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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