He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
