I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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