i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
