You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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