We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
