So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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