im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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