Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
