walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
