We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
