If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
