Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
