I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
