Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
