Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
