I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
