was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
