She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
