I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
