I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
