When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
