I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
