I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
