my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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