Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
