i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
