I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
