I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
