I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
