just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
