Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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