You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
