The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
