I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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