hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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