I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
