I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
