yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
