Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize