even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
