how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
