Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
