Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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