well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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