he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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