I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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