The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
