i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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