We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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