This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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