It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
