So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Less talking, more tequila
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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