I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
