yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
