ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
