She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
