I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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