its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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