She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize